Where The Fuck Were You?

Glad you asked.

Well, since my last post I've downgraded from a crippling mess to just a mess. To keep it simple, last year was hard. I'm getting better at being alive. That's all you gotta' know.

As for now, I'm repeating 1st year and working in a B&B. My first real job. I was eager to begin being a real adult! Pay some taxes, bitch about co workers by the water cooler, maybe even get involved in a controversial romance. Then it hit me: this sucks. Turns out working your ass off every day for minimum wage isn't all that liberating. I make the same beds day in, and day out. Make the same breakfasts. Clean the same shit off the same toilets. The best part of my week is when a rowdy customer makes a scene. The only positive part of this job is the longing I now have for a Bachelors Degree. 

I'm also kinda trying to be more positive. Yes, you've heard every millennial with a nose piercing say this, but c'mon; It's a fairly good defence against the forces of evil. (That evil being the world and those forces being everything in it.) Saying some positive bullshit every few minutes is exhausting, especially when you have such a cynical, nihilistic mind.... it's hard work. I'm still waiting for the pay off, but that's why I have this amazing and well-written blog. Is it working yet?

See ya on the flip side,
Maeve

It's all gone to shit.

I don't know why I can never be happy. It's not my college. It's not my friends, or my boyfriend. It's not stress, fatigue, restlessness or anything else you'd see on a G.P's mental health check list. Everything should be great.

Yet here I am, laying in bed doing nothing but watching "Top 10 blah blah blah you wouldn't BELIEVE" videos and playing solitaire on Facebook games (and I'm not even good at it). Spending more than a few hours with people tires me out. I feel numb. I'm bored.

"It gets easier"

I've yet to see proof of that.

Leaving Certificate Part 2

holymotherfuck, i've been accepted to my first choice course in NUIG

Sorry for abandoning you, my dear blog. I've been too busy lamenting life and being intoxicated. This was such an important summer in my life and I chose to ignore it... but not anymore. So what did I do besides binge watching Netflix and researching prostitution (just in case I failed the big L-C)?

I went to Indiependance, which was a festival sesh full of Irish hipster youth. I met so many lovely people and drank myself into oblivion. PERF for the teen failure, I'll see you all there next year. The highlight was the 80s VS 90s rave - it enabled me to completely lose my mind and voice.
I aged in my time away. 19. It's been a weird month because I know the best years of my life are coming, but the absolute stress of post LC life was totally killin' my buzz bro. 
Leaving Cert results came and went, the whole process was underwhelming to be honest. I'm just glad to be gone from the hell that is school.
The Debs... not much to really say. More alcohol and ignoring the people that are irrelevant to me. Everyone outside of Ireland is going to think I'm a degenerate, but Irish youth culture really just revolves around alcohol and getting shitfaced, sorry.

My future in NUI Galway awaits me. It's terrifying. It's exciting. It's mysterious.

Leaving Certificate 2016: Part 1

I will now forever be known as "the girl who vomited during English paper 1"

My life is one embrassment after another.  Anything bad that could happen, will happen to me. It makes for good stories... but I'm not exactly happy about potentially failing English. This dumb blog post is already better written than my essay. Sigh.

English paper 2 went a little sweeter. My main girl Emily Dickinson made an appearance in poetry, which is amazing because I could write 4 pages on the meanings behind her poetry. The comparison made my heart hurt a bit. King Lear is a dumb play. The unseen poetry was so rushed that I wish I could personally apologise to my poor examiner.

Home Economics was filled with fibre. I cannot write more than a few sentences on how it prevents constipation. Honestly, I don't remember the paper. The only important stuff you need to know is that I wrote 12 pages and had my own exam room (everyone was afraid I'd vomit again, nice).

Math paper 1. Good stuff. Probably passed. I'll be happy with that.

I'm a solid C student.

Letter To My 10 Year Old Self

Dear Maeve, 

Life hasn't exactly been pleasant so far has it? You finally make friends and what do your parents do? Move, again. To make matters worse you're venturing into a completely foreign land: Ireland. It's a cool place for vacation but can you really live there?

Yes, you can live there, but you're gonna hate it for a long time. Making friends will be hard. They'll be few and far between but completely worth the wait. Teachers won't really have an opinion on you. You're an awkward little girl with crippling anxiety, although you don't know what that is yet (It sucks). Life will be lonely for the most part but you have THE INTERNET which will grace you with entertainment in the form of binge watching TV shows and Youtube videos that will shape your mind into something strange and powerful.

You're too young to hate yourself! Just because you're not as pretty as the other girls doesn't mean a thing. Okay, yes, you are a little chubby, short and moving around in your body feels awkward and sluggish, but that's just 'cause you're a caterpillar! Do not listen to your mother or your classmates. Do not compare yourself to others. Do not regret eating all those cookies. Learn to love yourself early because it gets harder the older you get. 

Which brings me to my next point: bullying. I just want you to remember that it's not your fault. They'll tease you, leave you out and you may even take a few slaps and a kick... it gets better. Be a nerd. Continue to get lost in Middle Earth cause real life sucks. I just wish you'd stand up for yourself. Push those girls back, slap their faces when they slap your ass. You have to take matters in your own hands cause teachers don't do anything to help you. It breaks my heart to know that you dismiss bullying because you're "used to it". I wish I had stood up for myself.

The only good advice I can give to you is incredibly cliché and you've heard it from every Disney Channel movie but... BE YOURSELF. Listen to the music you want to. Read the books you want to. Watch the movies you want to. I promise you'll be happier if you don't try to contort yourself to fit into everyone's perfect little box. You're not them, you're you. You are perfect the way you are.

Love,
You.   

Easter Break In Pictures

Warning: Netflix May Be Extremely Addictive

Update: I'm addicted to Netflix.

Thats why I havent been blogging. So many TV series have been released and I'm currently trying to plough through them while I have some free time. I'm getting flashbacks to when I used to binge watch anime... how I miss being 15. The only similarity is that I'm still a big nerd.

Here's my watch list for March 2016:
Daredevil
House Of Cards
Better Call Saul
The Flash
Legends Of Tomorrow